I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
