I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
