He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
