It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
