When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
