I can text with my tongue
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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