Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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