Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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