What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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