Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
