He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
