I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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