Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
