my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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