After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
