girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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