So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
