ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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