i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
