we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He shit in the fireplace
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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