He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
