yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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