yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
