i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
