my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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