shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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