i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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