I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
