she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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