i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
