I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
