So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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