i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
