i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
