the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
