I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
