I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
