I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Girls should come with a carfax report
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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