you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
