I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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