Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
