you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
