I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
