Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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