I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
