Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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