Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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