Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
