Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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