Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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